What happened?

Nellies human: Findus suffered a stroke five weeks ago I had to put her down. She was so sick and there was nothing we could do for her. She would have had a terrible life If she had to continue living. She suffered a lot - she couldn't se the food properly, she didn't really know how to use the toilet bin and she couldn't get herself out if she got stuck somewhere. She was such a poor little baby. The last evening alive she got up to Nellie and layed down for about an hour. Nellie probably thought she smelled strange and was not that interested at first. After some time, though, she smelled her and licked her and so finally she layed down and got cozy with her for a while. The next morning, very early, she climbed up in my bed and woke me up. She looked at me as if she wanted say to me, that she couldn't take anymore of this terrible state she was in. So she layed down beside me and she slept there fore about two hours.'It was, like she said "good bye" to the ones she loved. I don't know, if anything happened betseen her and Tuss, her best friend and play mate, but Tuss tried to play with her the last evening she was with us, and maybe Findus told her then, that she couldn't and that she was sick. Bambi never really cared for FIndus, so I think she didn't have to say good bye to her. But after she, Findus, was gone she, Bambi, really has tried to comfort Nellie. She always lays don beside her on the couch.

It is so empty and so killingly silent without Findus being around. She really brightened up everyones day! Everyone in the neighbourhood knew her and everyone loved her. She was a little sunshine running around getting everyone in a good mood. Always around and always on top! Always trying out new things and - I have to say - sometimes really going on everyone's nerves! But in a good way. She was there when I went to the loo, she was in my face whe I brushed my teath, she was all over the place when I cooked, she climbed up my legs when I tried to get dressed, she went into the refrigerator when I opened it to get something or to put something in there, she seeked into the laundry room when I used it - or when someone else used it - and I had to look for her for hours, she went into neighbours when they opened their doors - ones she went into an old man who had fallen on the floor and almost dies, and sat on top of him when the ambulance came to get him! - she got herself lokked into the bicycle room, she climbed the window panes and fell hands-free down on the ground (and didn't hurt herself), she thought the cooker was a great place to play (could have really hurt herself!!!), she thought the bath tub was a great place to sleep, She would lay on any lap at any time and she would like hol on to it in such a strange way - the "Findus way" - not to fall down, she thought the toilet flush was the most interesting thing in the world (and was not far from falling into is a couple of times!), she thought trees was God's gift to cats and could never even pass one without first climbing up and just let herself fall from any branch and she absoulutely hated snow!!! That wan Findus, our red little cat girl, our red little sunshine, our red little hurrycane. SHe was the most woderful cat I have ever had - I love all my cats and my dog, but Findus was just something special!

But looking at her life with all the answers in my hand, I must say, that I think she might have been hanicapped. The vet thought she was four months old - she was ten months old. She didn't way more than a kitten and she never learned some things that cats usually learn quite quickly. She also never accepted an "alfa" and sometimes she behaves very strangely. I thought that was because she was brought up by a dog... With all the answers in my hadn, I can now see, that she probably was not really well from the beginning. But I would never have taken her away because of that - she was a happy kitten who never really grew up, but she enjoyed life more than anything. I could never have put her to sleep because she was handicapped. But having suffered a stroke I could see how she suffered and that she didn't really want to live anymore. Life, för her, should be fun and game and happy. Not like this. And when she came to say good bye, because that is what she did, I had to call teh veterinary and ask for his help.

On March 22 at 10.15 I said good bye to her and she slept in in my arms. My little red love. She is an angel now, I know that. A red, little cat angel. And she will never ever leav me och my mind. I have all the memories and all the lovely pictures of her. And in my heart I will love her until I die.

You could get really mad with Findus, but you couldn't stay mad for more than a minute. She made everyone laugh and she was one of the best things that ever happened to me! To all of us! She is so missed and I have cried so much. I miss her and the emptyness she left behind is really devastating.

Findus is no more

I have not blogged for ages. I hope you can understand, that I cannot blogg now my baby is gone. I have to find her first or there is nothing to blogg about. I don't understand. I can't find my kitten. I have looked everywhere, but she is not to be found. My love, my baby, my everything is gone and no matter how much I search, and where I search - I just can't find her. I can smell her and I follow her paw prints, but they lead to nowhere. My human says she is gone and won't come back. I don't understand. Why did she leave? And where to? My human says she was very, very sick and she had to "be put down" - what does she mean with that? When I don't understand, she, my human, tells me that Findus is dead, but I still don't understand. I don't want to understand.

My human has two other cats. One of them is very old and very wise. She is trying to comfort me now. She lays beside me and purrs and tells me about Findus and "a better place". But what is better than being here, playing in the snow in winter and now, when spring has arrived, laying in the sun and running in the forest! What can be better than that and what place is better than here?

I don't understand. But my human says that sometimes we don't understand and that sometimes life is cruel. So I have to face tha fact tha my baby, my darling, my only real love, is not going to come back. My human cries too. She misses her so very much. And Tuss, my human's second cat, is dead sad. Findus was her only friend. She layed in the cat carrier fpr two weeks and, I guess, just smelled Findus. Now, every night, she sleeps on my human's chest. All night. Findus used to sleep ther... I sleep beside her and Bambi, the old and wise cat, she's ok and sleeps by the window. But Bambi did never realy care for Findus. Not that much anyway.

I don't understand. My baby is gone. For five weeks now, she's gone. Is she really never going to come back? Never ever? It don't look like she is...